India has always had a host of problems to its credit, right? Cricket, politics, social justice, law, poverty. There are hundreds of issues that we Indians love to discuss over a cup of coffee or lunch with our pals and family members. Here's a new look and probably out-of-box solutions to some of biggest problems that plague our country.
Problem 1:
Reservations for the 'poor'Strange but true, while the entire world fights against overwhelming odds to come forward, we Indians take pride in classifying ourselves backward in a bid to get freebies to come forward.
Solution: Make 99% reservation, so that 99% of the population is covered by reservation for jobs, promotions and even seats in the Parliament. Leave the 1% for the moneyed class and those with political clout. Merit can go down the drain. We are marching forward and hope to catch up with West soon, say in another 150 years.
Problem 2:
Cricket IndiaOur cricketing heroes have just proved to be zeros in South Africa. With 4-0 drubbing in the five one-day series, the Men in Blue have been beaten black & blue. There appears to be no hope or scope of improvement.
Solution: Lets appeal to the International Cricket Council (ICC) and get ourselves tagged as "underprivileged team" and, thereby, enjoy special status. Appeal to the ICC to have 17 players to play in the place of 11 and ask for 60 overs for our side while others play 50. But does this still guarantee us a win in the future, perhaps not, but good excuse to lose the next time!
Problem 3:
Frequent vandalism of statuesHmm this is quite a problem. With Indian landscape dotted with high-rise buildings and statues of leaders, freedom fighters, goons and hoodlums of different social standings, guarding them against vandalism and bird goo has becomes a tough task. When vandals strike, the entire country erupts into well orchestrated riots that lead to burning of buses and trains.
Solution: Make a theme park where you park all these statues in one big place. So vandals belonging to each group can break statues of dead leaders of different parties and hence give the rioting mob enough space to indulge in violence. Incidentally, such statues would also benefit trans-migratory birds that would get their fair share of rest rooms during their flight.
Problem 4: Converting farmland into factoriesThis defies a solution. Having steamrolled their political campaign during elections the political party has given nothing in return. This surely is being ungrateful to their moneyed mentor. So the party in power plans to sell farmlands to the industrial powerhouse. Good for investments, bad for farmers.
Solution: If providing suitable land is problem, why not give all the lands acquired by politicians through illegal funds and through benami means. Going by the quantum of lands acquired by our political masters in the recent years, industrial powerhouses will never face shortage of land and will never be shooed away by farmers or opposition political parties.
Problem 5: Criminal administered justiceWe have had too many TV channels busting the reputation of some of our esteemed Members of Parliament, especially when they were in the process of accepting bribes or while they were indulging in moral debauchery. If that's not new, we have had candidates accused of grave crimes now wanting to rule the country. But then there appears to be a few laws preventing them from doing so. Why prevent such down-to-earth aspirations of "honest and hard-working citizens"?
Solution: Well our political class is so full of criminals and the morally corrupt that just one kind of politicians isn't going to make any difference in the great political circus. Remove all laws that hinder MPs from murdering each another. Make it mandatory for candidates to have murder charges against them as pre-requisite to stand for elections, perhaps, this will "don'...err dawn a new era for Indian democracy.
Problem 6: Ganguly-Chappell rowToo much has been said about the two; too much has been talked about the two. This issue has caught the imagination of the country and even the Parliament so much so that they kept aside vital matters to discuss Ganguly's inclusion/exclusion in the team. We need to put an end to this once and for all and stop wasting every body's time and money, including the TV news channels that have been giving a "blow-by-blow" account of the entire proceedings.
Solution: Arrange a mother of all fights: a duel to the death between the duo. A duel that will involve use of bats on the opponent. That would be better than the net practice session for dada. Let the match be telecast live, which am sure a few sports channels will be glad to do so. A few sponsors thrown in, and we have an interesting match better than those organised by the WWF. Anyway the one who is knocked out will be out of the team - either Ganguly or Chappell - one problem less for India.
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